I thought I was a caring and attentive pastor, but apparently some people see me as a rather distant pastor who doesn’t even shake hands with his congregation after Sunday worship. I thought I was a good husband, but my wife tells me that I can be “a selfish man who only thinks about himself.” I thought I was a good father, but my children have described me as an “absent father”.
As I enter the later years of my life, I keep discovering, somewhat embarrassingly, that the person I think I am is not always the person others experience.
There were reasons I did not shake hands after worship. There were only thirty minutes between services, so as soon as one service ended, I would go back to my office to prepare for the next one. After the third service, I also had to preach at the English service, so I rarely made it downstairs to the fellowship hall. I had my reasons, but from the congregation’s perspective, it probably looked as though their pastor simply disappeared as soon as worship was over. Now that I am no longer preaching at the English service, I will make it a point to stay after each service, shake hands, and greet you.
There is also another reason I have not talked about before. Beginning with the COVID pandemic, followed by the division within our denomination and a series of painful experiences that sometimes made me feel as though my entire ministry was being called into question, I went through one of the most difficult seasons of my pastoral life. Sometimes things happen that are so overwhelming that you simply cannot say anything—and sometimes you know that you should not. To cope with it all, there were days when I walked ten miles just to clear my mind.
Without realizing it, I began avoiding people. Whenever I met someone, I felt that I would have to explain myself or defend who I was, and I did not want to put myself in that position. Looking back, I realize that the distance I created to protect my wounded self also made me a distant and uncaring pastor. Even now, I ask for your gracious understanding.
Going forward, I will begin with myself as we seek to become a church where people feel more warmly welcomed and embraced. If there is anything you believe would make our church better, please do not hesitate to tell me. Where understanding is needed, I will ask for it. And where I need to change, I will change.